Re-engaging Reality
It’s a new year with a new president and the same problems. I went back home over the holidays and spent some quality time with my parents and little brother before he shipped off to college. It was a much needed break after the frustrations I was feeling in Boston. Going home always reminds me of what made me who I am, and makes me thankful for the life I’m currently able to live. Once I got back into the city, it was time to get in a zone and make shit happen.
Being an artist is the one true dream I have in this life. Making money has absolutely nothing to do with that. However, it was time to set that grudge aside and admit that if I want to do nothing but be creative on my own terms, I would need to make it financially feasible. I was finally able to open up the virtual shop on this website, and on my first day I was fortunate enough to get a few orders. I’m currently working on getting as much of my work uploaded as possible, and forcing myself to think of marketing strategies to promote my art. I’m attempting to let go of the shame I reflexively feel while doing so. It feels impure to monetize art, but I can’t be above that in my current situation. I’m stubborn, and I often need to get out of my own way to make progress. It’s all a learning process.
I’m increasingly confident in my abilities and place in this world. I know where I want to be, and I have a reasonable path to getting to it. All I need to do is put my head down and charge forward, pushing all other distractions and hesitations aside. Time is our most valuable commodity as human beings and I’m the only one who gets to decide how I use mine. Ironically, as the world continues to flounder and grow increasingly uncertain, I have found peace of mind. This isn’t to say I don’t have down days, but I try my hardest to live in the moment. I pursue what makes me happy while discarding what doesn’t. It’s that simple.
I feel that 2020 signaled the death of a certain way of life. Every day I cross my fingers for that vaccine to fall into my lap, but even if everyone gets vaccinated, there remain serious problems I’m not sure anyone’s prepared to address. The virus exposed so many flaws in our systems that make everything appear so terrifyingly fragile. Many people have chosen to completely ignore this reality, some even deny it. How, as a society, do we reconcile with that? I don’t know. Who’s to say this kind of tragedy doesn’t happen again? Even if it doesn’t, slower moving forces such as climate change will dramatically alter our world in the coming decades. How much longer can we cling to the luxuries of modern life before we realize we’re digging our own graves? I simply do not know.
We live unsustainable lives, and as someone who used to think about death an unhealthy amount, I’m apathetic. It feels like all of these hardships were set into motion way before I was born, and will continue beat down humanity far past my death. I’m not a scientist, doctor or engineer, I’m not blessed with those abilities that could perhaps aid in the resistance of our downfall. These days politics sicken me, and that’s really the only other field I’d be qualified for. So once again I turn back to the art. It’s never done me wrong. It’s been my eternal solace. It gives me complete control. Maybe my creations inspire positive change, maybe they don’t. Who cares. I’m in love with creating art, and so I’ll continue to do so.
-zcmega