Therapy and Prosperity
This past week I had what might be my last session of therapy for a while. This isn’t at all because I don’t want to see my therapist again. She’s helped me so much in these last few months that I actually owe her my sincerest thanks. The real reason I’ll likely not be seeing my therapist for some time is due to costs. My insurance has been paying for my weekly sessions in full due to ordinances brought about by the virus. Prior to that, Northeastern had covered my first ten sessions while I was still in school. Knowing for now that my weekly meetings are coming to an end, I’m using this journal entry to reflect.
Having to face the real world in May of 2020 was never going to be easy. That’s why after some encouragement from close friends, I sought help in the form of a therapist before the pandemic even started. I was planning on taking some calculated risks after leaving college, and I needed an outside, objective third-party to talk through my plans with. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
My therapist undeniably had a beneficial effect on my life. However, she would make sure you know that I was the one making a concentrated effort to create positive change I wanted to see in life. With therapy you get out what you put in.
From the early days of March until now, I’ve learned quite a lot about myself. I’ve been able to organize my goals by pinpointing what makes me happy. We reasonably considered what I would have to sacrifice to allow me to live how I wanted. We also dissected what was keeping me from achieving those goals; what distractions and unhealthy patterns were holding me back. It took a lot of trial and error. So much was happening in the world around me that at times I questioned if there was any merit to my personal endeavors at all. There were times I cried out of frustration; so scared of the unknown. I often felt like every waking moment that went by was counting down to my death. This unavoidable fact. There’d never be enough time.
The key to escaping this mindset was a shift in perspective of course. In reality, time does not care about you or me. Time is not counting down to your death, rather it is steadily pressing forward into the future. We are the ones who attempt to interpret this phenomena. In doing so, we often fail to focus on how we should be spending these precious moments. Moments which have never been, and will never be, guaranteed.
One major issue identified by my therapist and I was my habit of spending unreasonable amounts of time planning and plotting my moves. I’d been doing it my entire life. I’d hesitate, overthink, and try to find the perfect way to do everything. I was hindering my own potential, preoccupied with minutiae. Whether it was art, music, relationships; I was so terrified of failure or embarrassing myself. So worried that I’d end up misrepresenting my true self to the point where I’d often opt to do nothing at all. That is a mistake I no longer find acceptable. I now allot a specific amount of time to think about my plans. An hour, two, even a day if I need, but once that time I set for myself is up, I’m no longer allowed to think about it, only act upon it.
I’ve learned to fall in love with mere progress. Crossing a finish line is certainly a higher level of elation, but it’s brief. By learning to take joy from the small, seemingly insignificant moments, I have been the happiest I ever felt in my entire life. No lie. These tiny events, when added up, are a far greater amount of time than the singular moment of achieving any one goal. If you spent all of your energy focused on crossing that line, and none spent cherishing how you got there, what do you have left after that high runs out? You’re left reminiscing on the past. Actively live you life.
For anything you want to accomplish there are steps, no matter how small, that will move you in the direction of success. Often, the most unexpected events are the ones which end up pushing us the furthest towards our ends. This is why it’s valuable to place yourself in new, uncomfortable situations. It might not pan out every time, but you’d never find out by being complacent.
That’s the other thing with life, there’s always more to do. You get to decide whether your content with the situation presented before you. If unsatisfied, it’s on you to make an effort to move in a new direction. You may never get as far you want to. You may never achieve the perfection you seek. Regardless, wherever you end up after the attempt will have you far more experienced, with more potential opportunities, than if you had stayed stagnant. This much I know.
In the past few months, despite all the chaos and quarantine, I have gathered all the proof that I personally need. I’ve proven this concept to myself. I don’t need to convince anyone else, but I hope by constantly talking about my experience I can inspire those around me to do the same. Live a conscious life. If therapy isn’t an option, talk to anyone who will listen. It’s better than constantly being in your own head, trust me. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Reach out to me if you need. Regardless of what you do, make sure to put positive energy out into the universe. This will attract more positive energy. It’s tough, but once you get the ball rolling, momentum carries. Not every day is a success, but it motivates me to make the next day better. Taking breaks is also okay. It’s necessary and healthy.
Despite my therapy coming to somewhat of a forced end, I don’t feel particularly worried. I am actually more confident than I’ve been in a very long time. I’ve taken what I’ve learned, and gotten the most out of the sessions. I’m excited to see what life has in store for me.
-zcmega